I shared my testimony for the first time in a year on sunday. It is so crazy how clearly the Holy Ghost lets me know when I should bear my testimony. I start getting nervous with goosebumps all over and a pit in my stomach that no matter how hard I try to get my mind on something else it will not go away until I go up there. It is definitely so nerve racking for me because I really am not an outgoing person. I don't like being up in front of people and having all the spotlight on me ... I just really don't like everybody looking at me and I am not an elinquint speaker so I feel like I can't get my words across the way that I want to ... I am just a mess and I don't like it! ... but when the Holy Ghost prompts me to go up I have to obey. I felt like I needed to share an experience that happened this last week that left me in awe of how powerful satan is and how much I let him affect my life. I decided if I felt inspired to share this with people I barely even knew I should probably write it down in my journal so I could remember it always and share it with my children. So here it goes .... (hopefully I won't be judged too much :))
So I want to start out by saying that Thursday is my "show night" there are a couple of my favorite shows that I get so excited to watch and that I really don't like missing! Well this day we had a playdate with a friend planned, at the last minute my mom was coming by and I had agreed to pick up my sister in law (who was on bed rest) from a baby shower and take her home. (Which I did not have a problem with at all!!!) I also managed to make friendship bread, put dinner in the crockpot, and pay the rent ... by 5:30 when I was driving home from paying the rent I was feeling pretty good about myself and how I had things so under control. (mistake #1) Then I get a call from vincen telling me that since I was already on the freeway he needed me to pick him up in sandy in 45 minutes because he was going to drop a car off to a customer. By this time it was 6:00, the girls were tired of being in the car and hungry and all I could think about is the taco soup I made at home and my shows that were going to start in less than an hour, but I agreed to do it. I got to the park and ride in sandy around 6:15 and took the girls out of their carseats so they could have a break from sitting in them and then waited and instead of being the wife who is so happy to be helping their husband that works so hard to provide for them, I was sitting there getting more and more mad and annoyed!!! ( I did TRY to talk myself out of being annoyed and mad and being that wife I just mentioned, after all this customer just spent 7,000 on his BMW, the least I could do is be happy that he brought his car to Vincen and helped us get food on the table!!! ) He showed up around 7 and then didn't get to the car until around 7:20 .... Yeah trying to be the happy wife went right out of the window! I had HAD IT! I had been sitting there for an hour, the girls were getting into EVERYTHING, I already missed one of my favorite shows, and we were all starving!!!! As soon as he got in the car I jumped right in and started telling him everything he did wrong up until this point which only made him more angry that I was upset, so began the argument ..... Me not feeling important, Him trying hard to provide for the family and owning his own business, and on and on .... At this point I am already driving and we didn't communicate very well about wiether or not I was going to be taking him back to get his car from work that night (which would have been the easiest thing to do) or waking up early and taking him. so the next thing I know I am on the freeway heading towards home. By this time it is 7:45 and I am not about to turn around and take him back now. Which just started yet another argument about how I didn't communicate very well and how he didn't listen very well.... and on and on. All of a sudden I realize something (in the middle of us arguing) and I just start crying and say, "Satan wanted this to happen!" You see, we had just talked about on sunday how we needed to go to the temple more since we haven't been in awhile. I told him that he could go at least once a week since the south jordan temple was on his way to work. We decided that he would start going every friday morning .... so he had planned on going the next morning and now it probably wasn't going to happen since I would be the one taking him to work. I was crying because I felt like I had fallen right into satan's trap. I didn't resist temptation and become better instead I embraced it and just kept being annoyed. I realize it sounds stupid but I was very, very dissapointed in myself. I know that no one is perfect but I DO have power to withstand temptation, I AM stronger than satan and instead of showing those qualities I showed how weak I really was and again I felt totally dissapointed in myself. Immediately we stopped arguing and started apalogizing, realizing the things that we were annoyed about really were STUPID. (no surprise ... usually how it goes) I decided then that I was going to repent! I was going to get up at 5 in the morning and take vincen to his car so he could make it to the temple. I wanted Heavenly Father ... and Satan to know how important the temple is to me and how sorry I was. So that is what I did! Now before you start thinking I was a bad mother for taking my girls from their bed that early in the morning and putting them in a freezing cold car, I realized that 5 in the morning was better because they would just sleep the whole time instead of 7:30 when they would be awake and unhappy that they were in their car seat for that long period of time. It all worked out for the best! I feel like Heavenly Father wanted me to have this experience so I could learn and grow from it. Instead of getting mad at satan for temting me, which is what he is going to be doing my whole life, I need to look at myself and ask, why I am giving into temptation when I am more powerful and stronger than satan? I am very grateful to Heavenly Father who is forgiving and very merciful. That he always has faith in me and knows what I am capable of. I AM grateful for a husband that loves our family so much that he takes his job as provider seriously and works so hard to provide for us! THANK YOU and I LOVE YOU! Learn from this expericnce girls!!! :)
